There I was with Ari at Indigo...
We go there often because:
I have a coffee problem and...
Ari LOVES Thomas the Train.
Indigo has a toy Thomas the Train set there for kids to play with and Ari loves going to play with it...
As we approached the train set there is another boy who is already there.
As soon as the boy sees Ari he becomes very possessive of all the particular trains that he is using. No big deal really, there were plenty of other trains there that Ari could play with.
At the sight of her son hoarding those trains the boy's mother says:
"Lucas share with that boy!"
"No!"
"Lucas you MUST share with that boy, give him some of your trains."
"NO!"
I don't have to tell you that this escalated very quickly into a meltdown the size of which (to be totally honest) I have NEVER seen before in my life.
All the while Ari was happily playing with whatever 'other' trains Lucas did not want.
Here is my question to you as a parent...
Is teaching your child to share important?
If so why?
I say no, it's not important and here are my reasons why...
What did that mom teach her son in that moment?
- She taught him that his wants are less important to him than some random strangers wants.
- She taught him that you have to give away important things to any passer-by no matter who they may be.
- She taught him that you should sacrifice your values to someone else.
None of those things are things I would ever dream of teaching my child.
I want Ari to know that his happiness and his values should be the most important things to him... not someone else's.
So, I'm sure you're asking yourself, what do I do when Ari doesn't want to share?
It's simple really.
I tell the other child that my son is playing with that particular toy and when he is finished with it, then they can have it.
I DO tell Ari to respect the fact that someone else is playing with something and he is not allowed to take it until that child is done using it.
And I teach Ari that if he is done using something that means that he has to be ok with another child using it.
I'm teaching him to RESPECT other's property, and to protect his own property.
One final thought...
Please don't misread what I'm saying...
I am NOT saying to DISCOURAGE sharing.
If your child wants to share something (without force or interference) with another child, then great, let them.
But, this is not a virtue.