Are you divorced, separated or just not on the same page as your partner when it comes to feeding your kids By Design?
Do both your kids and your ex meet you with resistance when you go out of your way to make sure healthy food is put on the table?
Are you all out of convincing arguments and looking for help?
You have come to the right place.
We have gotten a lot of questions lately from divorced and separated parents about how to either continue to or start to feed their kids By Design despite resistance from their ex.
So we asked for advice from parents in our community who are divorced or separated and sticking to one of their family’s highest values – health. We asked them for their best strategies for feeding their kids real, nutrient dense food despite disagreeing with their ex.
Here’s the method that will help you feel less guilty about what your kids eat when they aren't with you and help you enjoy your time more when you are with them.
1. Be okay with not being in control 100% of the time. And don't take it personally when you are not in control.
Don't beat yourself up when your kids come home from Dad's house and tell you they had hot dogs and ice cream for dinner. It happened when they weren't under your supervision.
Instead of attacking the other parent, try to come to a mutual agreement. Start by finding common ground. Start with the agreement that your child's health is a value and top priority. Once you can both agree on this common goal, the conversation can start. (Of course, this depends on whether you are able to have mature, civil conversations with the other, but once you have established that your child's health is a priority, both sides will be more willing to hear what the other has to say.)
2. Do your absolute best to feed your kids By Design when they are with you. But remember to never make them feel guilty about what they ate when they weren’t with you.
If you know that when they are at Mom's house they have cereal for breakfast and pizza for dinner, you better make sure that you take advantage of every opportunity to put nutrient dense foods into their bellies when they are in your home.
3. Explain to your kids why we eat this way in simple terms that they can understand. Ask them questions to help empower them to make good decisions for their health on their own. Ask them how they feel when they eat healthy food. Ask them how they feel when they eat unhealthy food. Help them through this process to make the connection.
This step can be challenging, because often an upset tummy, headache, behaviour problems or wetting the bed can show up a day or two after they have eaten unhealthy food. Be mindful of this and continue to talk about the importance of healthy food and how it makes them happier, sleep better, run faster and jump higher.
What you may notice is that once children start to enter puberty they start to make connections on their own. They may notice that they sleep better when they are at your house or that they fight with their brothers less when they are at your house or that their skin doesn't break out as much when they are at your house. When your kids are younger, you will need to help them more to make the connection between what they eat and how they feel.
4. Let the other parent know how the kids were feeling when they were with you. Not in a condescending or accusatory way, but they need to understand that there are consequences to the poor food choices they made for your kids.
Like I said, consequences of unhealthy food can show up days later, so it's possible that the other parent may not fully realize the extent to which their behaviour and health are affected when the kids are with you. So let them know whether the kids came home early from school with an upset stomach, if they wet the bed or if their behaviour was abnormal. You might find it helpful to keep a log of it.
I hope this helped take some of the pressure off, helped you to focus only on what is within your control, and acted as a starting point to help your kids move towards health with you.
But if after testing these strategies you are still feeling guilty, placing a lot of blame on yourself or finding yourself continuously frustrated why not schedule a 90-minute Eat By Design Coaching Call. We can help you work through this process. Click here to learn more.