Last week we hosted another awesome Think By Design seminar. Although the principles always stay the same, each time I walk away as if seeing some of the information with fresh eyes. One of the great things about going back again and again is adding layers of understanding and being able to apply the principles to current life situations.
During the question and answer period of the evening, one of the guests asked a question about self-assertiveness, and its roll in self-esteem. Self-assertiveness is one of Nathanial Brandon’s Six Pillars of Self Esteem. If you have not read his book, The Six Pillars of Self Esteem, I highly recommend it.
Nathanial Brandon defines self-esteem as "the disposition to experience oneself as competent to cope with life's challenges and being worthy of happiness."
While we all talk about wanting to be happy and doing things to be happy, many of us are actually very cynical about our ability to overcome obstacles to achieve happiness and do not genuinely believe that we deserve happiness.
See if you can spot this in your own life. When things are going well, do you expect it not to last? If something good comes to you ‘too easily’ are you always waiting to see what the catch is? Do you feel jealous of other people? If you are given a compliment, does it make you feel uncomfortable? Do you feel nervous about telling other people about good things that have happened in your life? These are all signs that you have not fully developed your self-esteem.
Here are all 6 pillars of self-esteem:
- The Practice of Living Consciously
- The Practice of Self-Acceptance
- The Practice of Self-Responsibility
- The Practice of Self-Assertiveness
- The Practice of Living Purposefully
- The Practice of Personal Integrity
In the context of eating By Design, we could discuss all of these pillars at length individually, but I would like to focus on self-assertiveness.
“To practice self-assertiveness is to live authentically, to speak and act from my innermost convictions and feelings—as a way of life, as a rule.” – Nathanial Brandon
Even once many of us have gotten past the hurdles that limit us from starting to change our habits, self-assertiveness can be really hard.
Many of our clients struggle to have conversations with friends, colleagues and family members about the way they are eating and why they are eating this way.
If we genuinely believe that the food that we are eating is healthy for us, nourishing for our bodies, and creates optimal function in our bodies, then each time we shy away from the conversation, we are hurting our self-esteem.
We have all been there. We have had the opportunity to speak our mind and passed it up to preserve the status quo. It does not feel good. Not allowing ourselves to express our opinions diminishes our feeling of competency.
Sometimes, we even lose assertiveness in our self-talk. We let doubts and insecurities cloud what we know to be right and we make decisions that are incongruent with our values.
As a solution, we encourage our clients to write down affirmations and repeat them to themselves. These affirmations are simple statements of the things that they strongly believe and know to be true.
If you repeat your highest beliefs and values to yourself regularly, you will grow your certainty and have fewer doubts. This conviction is what will empower you to be assertive, both in your own mind and in handling other people who question or doubt you.
Affirmations can be a strong tool for growing your assertiveness and subsequent self-esteem and happiness.
Now its your turn. Have you ever tried this before? We would love to hear affirmations that have been powerful in developing your self-assertiveness and self esteem. Please leave your comments below.